Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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