Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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