Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
