you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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