this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
