I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
