ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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