I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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