i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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