I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
