Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize