It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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