Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
