Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
