"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
