I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
