My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
