i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
