His pubic hair was longer than his dick
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
