mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
