I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
