Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
