I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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