Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
