Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
