Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
