some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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