I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
