The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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