you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
