I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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