Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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