She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
