Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
