I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
