New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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