I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
