What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
