it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
