we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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