i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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