I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
