Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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