we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
