I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
