Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
