I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
