Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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