And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
