Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Randomize
