cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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