Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
