I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
